Self Care in the Digital Age
Last week I had the opportunity to share my views and story at the Scottish Mothers Collective supper club, alongside some very inspiring and motivation woman.
I wanted to try and right down the things that I said, just so I could share it with you lovely lot too. If you haven't been to Supper Club yet, basically it's an intimate group of ladies, getting together to talk about things that matter...with some amazing food and drink thrown in for good measure.
For those of you who dont know me, my name is Suzy or forever a mum in the social media world. I am a wife, a mummy to two little girls Lily and Ivy, and im a physiotherapist by trade. My little talk was basically about my experience with social media, and the impact it has had on me and my family.
If you asked me what self care was a few years ago I would have said something like “taking time to do the things I like doing” Spa days, facials, new hair etc. I saw it as something fun to do, something that allowed me to do things that I didn’t really get to do now that I was a mum. If you asked me this time last year, what I did for self care I probably wouldn’t have been able to give you an answer. Some of you will know my story of mental health. It’s not really my story but it’s certainly a story that I am hugely involved with.
My husband was diagnosed with depression in September 2015. For me it came out of the blue, something that completely threw me if i am being honest. We sought help together,,,counselling, medication, CBT and had a very rollercoaster journey. In May 2017, unfortunately Gary decided he he wasn't enough and that there was only one way that the pain would go away, and he attempted suicide.
Fortunately for me, things didn’t go to plan, and for the last 18 months, we have built our lives back together. That's why I said if you asked me about self care this time last year, I wouldn’t have been able to answer, as I didn’t really do anything for myself. I had other people to look after and my own needs went to the very bottom of a very tall pile, which seemed to just be growing,
Self care to me has become really important in the last 8 months. It has helped pull me out of something that could have spiralled into a serious situation, something that could have affected my marriage and everything that I had spent the last few years trying to protect and rebuild.
In January, I told my husband that something needed to change. I told him that I felt he wasn’t trying as hard as he could anymore and that I felt a bit taken for granted. Now telling someone this who has mental health problems is always going to be a risk, but by this point, if something didn’t change I think I would have struggled to continue to support in that capacity. Something had to give. Thankfully he heard me and we managed to turn things around.
I began to force him (gently) to do tasks that meant I got some me time. A little bit of self care for myself. Things like bath the kids so I can grab a cuppa in peace, or do bedtime so I could go and do a solo food shop. There's nothing quite like being in the supermarket and not having your small children with you, it really is like a mini holiday.
Bar the family, nobody knew about his diagnosis and keeping that so close to his chest for so long was a burden and eating away at him. At this point, I knew I had to get Gary to have an outlet. I had suggested blogging to him on several occasions but he just didn’t get the point. Didn’t understand that writing things weren’t for other people to see, but to get thoughts out of his own head. Also, it would give him something to focus on, as he's quite a perfectionist and I knew he would commit to it if he decided to.
On valentines day this year, I remember sitting at work and him texting me to say he had joined instagram and his first post was up. So obviously, i sneaked off to the loo so i could look at my phone. Well my eyes welled up reading it as his first post onto social media was telling everyone that he has depression and his aim was to get people talking and to reduce the stigma that surrounds mental health. What a legend.
7 months on from that first post, I now don't feel guilty going out to the gym for an hour. This is my new regular self care routine. Somewhere I can go, work my butt off to grow a butt again after kids. Doing something I enjoy, knowing that I won't be interrupted by the shouting of mummy and somewhere I am not tempted by my phone.
I dont think I'm exaggerating when I say that social media has helped to save both Gary's life and my marriage. Of course, we have seen the ugly side, the jealous side and to be honest, the downright nasty side of social media. However, on the whole, I would say it's been a hugely positive experience and I absolutely love my new little insta family. I've met lots of my favourte accounts in real life, and I would go as far as to say that some of these people are now my best friends. (You know who you are)
Social media has also changed Gary’s view on mental health. It has allowed him to understand that he is not alone, and that in fact, many people suffer from poor mental health. Instagram has allowed him to feel worth again, and give him confidence in himself and in his ability to recover.
Social media has also helped me whilst I supported Gary with that horrible illness. When gary was at his worst, I had nobody to talk. It was hard, painful and lonely. Even though I never really discussed mental health until Gary started his own blog, social media was my place to escape to. A place that I built friendships and didn't feel quite so isolated. Then when he joined, and he began to open up, the more I was able to open up and find my place in that funny old world of instagram.
So I absolutely agree that social media is not real life, and that you need to take what you see and read with a pinch of salt. Not everything out there is real and there will always be nasty people. But at the same time, it can be a wonderful way to build friendships, learn new things and even help others. Instagram has allowed me to meet lots of cool people in real life and take part in cool things.
Make social media what you want it to be, don't try to fit in or change who you are.
xx